Failparking.com: Where The Mother Fucking Rants Are

Money buys happiness.  That is all there is to it.  People who claim that money does not buy happiness are delusional.  They are lying to themselves or else they are mindlessly repeating a mantra that gets told to them as kids.  People who are constantly saying that money does not buy happiness probably have no money.  They are also probably not all that happy.  Trying to convince themselves that having more money wouldn’t make them happy or that people with money aren’t truly happy (doubly absurd) is a pathetic attempt to justify their situation and keep from feeling guilty that they don’t try harder or jealous that they don’t have what others have.  And while it is certainly possible to be happy without having much money there is no doubt that money is the #1 contributing factor to happiness.

I had almost no tears for so many years, almost emotionless, they wouldn’t come even when I knew they should. And now I cry every night because I can’t deal with the pain inside of me. I can’t even say it’s nice to feel something powerful for once, because I don’t want to feel this. I don’t have the adolescent and naive devotion to romanticism that I used to hold. I only have the jaded truth of so many broken hearts. I don’t want to believe in love anymore, I want to remain stoic and unmoved. I have proven that I can make someone fall in love with me that way, I have proven that I can come home each day and smile, I have proven that I don’t need to be a hopeless romantic, but now my heart is making me pay the price for the love I had, and it’s tearing me apart on the inside, and I don’t want it anymore… It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, but it’s not better to have loved and lost five times. Love isn’t supposed to be this way. It is supposed to be forever. I really really believe that love is supposed to be forever and so I am faced with two options, either I am wrong and love is not the force I thought, or nobody has ever loved me. One choice leads to a life that has been lived for the wrong reasons, the other choice means a life where no one ever cared about me the way I cared about them. And I’ve always held so much stock in the closest people in my life. Always believed that I only needed my few close friends. Always believed that I loved them and they loved me. But what can I believe now?

I have always enjoyed reading. For much of my life this time was occupied by humor, mystery and science fiction. However the last few years I have turned to almost solely reading non-fiction. Books for and against religion, books by economists and mathematicians, and any random author who could put out something I found remotely interesting. At first I did it just out of my own interest but soon realized that making myself smarter would likely make me more attractive to the opposite sex. So I continued to read happily until a few days ago. I was literally sitting at work thinking and I came to the realization that all of this knowledge is largely useless. None of it is going to help me change the world. None of it is making me a better person by my actions. None of it is going to be of any use on my death bed. And once I have settled down and fallen in love, and found a girl who loves me too, this knowledge is no longer going to be necessary to woo them. It gave me a sudden and profound sense of how meaningless most of our lives really are.

I am currently reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. This book is considered one of the most influential pro-Christian books ever written. Lewis is an excellent writer and clearly an intelligent man but every time I hear smart people try to argue about theological topics they end up looking like a fool. In the current chapter I am on Lewis argues that he can believe in god because he has heard it on good authority, that people he trusts have told him this is true. In this case I believe he is more referring to the bible telling him it’s true than just some guy off the street, but he argues that we can take this on authority because 99% of the things we believe are because a trustworthy person has said it. His first example of this is that he has never seen New York City but he beleive it exists because trustworthy people have told him so.

Sex is great, honestly.  I enjoy having sex and I’m sure that most people who have had sex would say that they enjoy it as well.  Discounting the Religious Right it’s hard to find people who are going to argue against this point.  However, not having sex is also fine.  There have been times in my life where I’m having sex 5 times a week and there have been times in my life where I have gone over a year without it.  Most people who haven’t had sex in a year would be complaining bitterly to their close friends and many would be embarrassed to admit it to others.  For some reason society has built up the act of sex to be far more than it really is.  It’s sort of a two pronged attack, too.